Dr. Arun Gadre: Journey from Atheism to Jesus Christ- Part 2

Dr. Arun Gadre is a gynecologist turned Marathi novelist. With wife Dr. Jyoti, he left the glamour of city life for practice in a small drought affected rural town in India among the poor peasants, He has eleven published books in Marathi, including four award-winning novels, three educational books, and two textbooks for an open university. After a long and tiresome journey he meets his creator and redeemer Jesus Christ.  

Two Great Men from Two Different Worldviews: Dr. Paul Brand and Baba Amte 

Dr Paul Brand is a Christian missionary.  He spent his life in leprosy patients at Vellore medical college, India.  He is contemporary of great social worker of India, Baba Amte.  Both are friends.  Dr. George Mathai sent two of the Dr Paul Brand's books.  'Fearfully and wonderfully made' is one of these.  The Dr Paul Brand and co-author Philip Yancy have beautifully synthesized the body of Christ with the human body.  It is the magnificent analogy.  'In his image' is their book. Dr Paul Brand became a father of reconstructive hand surgery, while performing tendon transfers for the diseased and shortened stubs of the fingers of leprosy patients.  He is the humble character walking with Christ.  He suggested in those books, 'the world is decaying.  That is the result of original sin of the human being.  Christ died for them.  Now, Christ is not among the world.  But my hands are.  If I wish, my hands can become the hands of Christ.  They can wipe off the tears, they can heal the wounds.' 

It was not a lecture on Moksha or on some vague conceptual Nirvana.  It was not a discourse of so-called `Bliss'.  Backing those words were his efforts and compassion for downtrodden and rejected leprosy patients.  But most importantly, in that discourse was the hope.  The hope, that though, human beings is sinner and though the man and the world is groaning in sin, there is love and plan with God for them.  God has the will, the plan and the power to overcome decaying world. 

Dr Paul Brand was accepting the fallen nature of the man as well as the world.  He was not denying it.  But at the same time, he was stressing that one should be the salt in this decaying world.  Christ asked one simple question.  'If the salt loses its saltiness, who would arrest the decay?' Dr Paul Brand was assuring, 'walk with Christ. Cast your burden on him. No revolution would befall.  But you would be living happily. Your burden would be lessened. And he was giving this assurance out of his personal experience, and deeds. Fringe of my experience and thoughts was enlarging.  The anger for the external devastating reality was not being diffused.  Neither the relentless agitation was lessening.  But what I started realizing, were my own inability, weakness and fallen-ness.  I was becoming cognizant of my own sinfulness and resultant intractable fury within myself.  It was quite an another thing to suffer for the sake of principles alone, without having any hope or strength. It was totally a new perspective to suffer for the sinners who would not change a dot. It was a different story to waste ones whole life as a weak participant in god's grand plan. Soren Kierkegaard is one of eminent philosophers. 

He writes, 'It is possible that the man would show a great achievement and capacity. It is also possible that he might have a tremendous knowledge and information too. But it is still a possibility that he might be totally ignorant about himself. The reason being that until the man suffers a great deal, he does not understand. Suffering makes him introspective. And suffering alone teaches him the truth."Bible says, "Suffering makes man perfect."It is very easy to blame the system and others for any wrong and ill in it.  It is very easy and convenient to say, "what shall I do?  The system is rotten. One can't help!"The most un-easy and offending statement in the Bible is that everybody is a sinner.  It cannot be agreed upon for the simple reason that we generally measure ourselves against those who are falling short of our own ideals.  We ourselves decide in a reflex manner the measurement criteria.  And those generally are selected which suit us. Our spouse, our friends and colleagues, know our own moral weakness.  When we ourselves acknowledge them, that is the beginning of self-realization.

And when at that junction in the life, someone like the Dr Paul Brand confronts and challenges me, and proclaims that "yes!  I too am a sinner, whatever my achievements are, they are due to the Holy Spirit of Christ ", I pondered over the statement keenly.  I have to.I now think reflectively. Had I followed the routine track of a city based specialist in gynecology, was it possible for me to confront these basic issues head on?  I do not think so. So, I learn that the very struggle and frustrating existence I pursued was the blessing in disguise. I had been compelled to face the basic problem of the life, 'what is this life all about?' I was rather a God chosen one to have begun with this query. Had I been a successful businessman in a city, or a successful social worker in rural area, it was quite possible that the success would have made me self-centered. I would have lost the opportunity to seek God. I see this happening to many. And I now thank Lord that I was crushed and defeated. But the defeat is always temporary when the truth and love of God is with you. I learned this. In these all struggling years I had left the idea of becoming an author. I was just not thinking it possible. But at this crossing of my life, one more change happened. 

novel Ghatachakra (The vicious cycle) reached Deshmukh and Company, Pune.  It was accepted for publication after a waiting period of twelve years.  Its publisher, Dr. Sulochana Deshmukh came in as a cool breeze in my life in that scathing heat.  She was reorganizing Deshmukh And Company (Publishers) PVT LTD and had raised loan at her age of nearly seventy.  And she was taking risk of publishing a brand new author who has been rejected by four prominent publishing houses so far.  She suggested just one alteration in our first meeting.  She suggested, "will you consider expanding the character of DR Shenoy? (The character is a prominent one in the novel, The psychiatrist who is concerned about the rising restlessness and suicide rate among the brilliant students of a prestigious medical college)I conceded in a moment. All other publishers have stressed the need to change the manuscript in some way or other to help making this novel excellent. 'It is a good novel but it has a potential to become excellent' one of the leading publishers had noted.But Auntie as I started calling her (Mrs. Dr Sulochana Deshmukh) had hit the core point in one sentence. One relevant factor needs to be noted here though. I had traveled far ahead in my life in those 10 years. I had myself metamorphosed in to Dr Shenoy from Amogh. (Amogh is the central character in the novel. Amogh is the sensitive and angry student in the novel who gives an open challenge to the boss, the great neuro-surgeon, who is dominating and ruling the college single handedly, and is the force behind the injustice done on the honest and eligible students in medical exams. Amogh as a revolt, murders the neruo-surgeon and at this point, the novel begins as a flashback. DR Shenoy takes side of Amogh and the revolting students and fights against the establishment.)

Walking with DR Paul Brand, by now I had reached to the core of the character DR Shenoy. That might be the reason I could concede to her demand rather eagerly. Now it has dawned on me that it is the empathy and compassion of DR Shenoy that is the unseen but the most elemental thread of my novel and not the hatred and selfishness of Arrogant Amogh! Hatred and violence can not be a purpose and meaning of any life lived. Yes, I had myself traveled so far, with the love and compassion of Christ of DR Paul Brand. So, may be 10 years back those editors had tried to tell me but I had not perceived their direction then. It might have been my own deficiency. In revised that part. DR Shenoy explains the students at the end of the novel.  He labels Amogh and VGS as self-centered personalities.  He equates them to a cell of a cancerous tissue.  I had borrowed it all from Dr Paul brand's writing.The hours I spent in rewriting of the novel with Auntie and Mr. Ravi Godbole are invaluable for me.  They are part of my cherished memory.I finished rewriting of the novel. 

And I remembered Baba Amte.  He had by now left Anandwan and joined 'Save Narmada' (A river) movement.  He was living on the bank of the river.  I ran to him. I met him in the grand isolation and with the large bank of river Narmada as a witness. I read for the whole afternoon and in the evening too. I read the abridged novel. He was filled with tears when he heard me read DR Shenoy. He offered me his comments. While reading his comments, I got introversive. I knew that Baba Amte who has shunned God and declared that "when I seek the man, I got it all." One of the proponents of that Atheism is Nietzsche. He is the one, who declared, "God is dead." Here, though an Atheist himself, Baba was writing something antagonizing Nietzsche.

In that comment, Baba was writing something of the nature that was pitting Christ's compassion against Nietzsche 's humanism. Baba was declaring that Christ's compassion to be a victor over Nietzsche 's cold humanism. The same Christ, who is a Son of God for DR Paul Brand, was a human being Christ for Baba Amte. But there he was with Baba Amte too. And Baba was finding that compassion of Christ in DR Shenoy. It was all a revealing thing for me. In the course of our conversation when I refereed to DR Paul Brand, Baba was truly surprised. He knew himself DR Paul Brand in person! He immersed in DR Paul's memories. And there was lot of them. The first one was that of an angry doctor who had been disturbed by Baba's practice of making the leprosy patients work in the field. DR Paul was naturally worried about the effect of rigorous work on the wounds of the leprosy patients. But later he saw that the wounds were taken care. And he supported Baba.

When DR Paul Brand received the outstanding award in leprosy work, called Father Daemian Award, he publicly said at the time of reception of the award that Baba Amte deserved it more than himself. Once Dr Paul Brand had come to the city of Nagpur as a guest of the international conference in orthopedics. He refused to have a lunch in the arranged five star hotel and visited the remote place where Prakash and Vikas, Baba's two sons were residing. It was an adjacent old room of an old temple. Both could not afford the mess and the hostel. So, they were residing in that private set up. When DR Paul Brand visited them, they were cooking their lunch. DR Paul Brand happily joined them for the lunch and had a long chat with them. I was listening to Baba stunned and awed with a realization of this great wonder. It was as if that the spirit of Christ was threading me, Baba Amte and DR Paul Brand.

My novel, the Ghatachakra, (The vicious cycle) was received well. It was a satisfying reality. I was searching myself. I was asking myself, 'Am I an author?' It is one thing to narrate the reality that one perceives from his near happenings. It is an another thing to write on some distant subject. That is the criteria for being a genuine author. So, I had to take up some subject that would prove me to be an author. I had to prove myself as an author.DR Paul Brand has given a quote from Margaret Meed, a social anthropologist, in one of the chapters of his book, 'fearfully and wonderfully made'. 

Mark of the Beginning of a Civilization: Healed Femur Bone

 When Margaret Meed was asked about the sign of the civilization of human beings at the site of excavation, and was asked about the thing she must notice to declare that the civilization had started at that place. She had declared that when she finds a healed femur bone at the site of excavation, she declares that the human civilizat

ion had started at that place!She had not answered in a routine manner by referring to the items like the utensils, irrigation and like things. I was thrilled. The meaning was quite obvious. Even today with all advances in medical technology, it takes about a month for the broken femur bone to get healed, in that period of an apemen, that must have required at least seven to eight months.  So, when now the healed femur bone is found at the excavation, the meaning is obvious.  It says that in that period of apemen, somebody had moved the injured person from the jungle.  He had taken care of the wounded mate.  He had fed the injured person.  He had hunted for him.  Who was this first person?  Who was this first human being? How did he realize this humanness?  How could he face it? Charged, I wrote the whole novel from this single sentence of Margaret Meed.  The title was 'A tale of Fengado.'

My eyes turned moist. I doubt with my experience of English Press later, whether the English authors have this blessing of getting a devoted publisher who publishes a book in spite of knowing beforehand that the book would not sell, just because the publisher fees that it is his/her duty to publish the book!My old friend, Mrs. Neelakanti read the abridged version of 'A tale of Fengado.' in a grand function organized by Deshmukh And Company (Publishes) PVT LTD.  In the history of publications by Deshmukh and Company (Publishes) PVT LTD, it was the only second such ceremony.  The first was in 1964 when one of the greatest author in Marathi, Mr. P. L. Deshpande, read in similar ceremony, the translated version of the celebrated book by Hemingway,  `The old man and the Sea'.  I communicated with a Dr Paul Brand.  And to my great surprise, his answer came. Now how I wished that Dr Paul Brand should read this novel!  So, I started translating 'A Tale of Fengado' into English.One of the American publishing companies, 'Fiction works limited', has accepted this translated version.  The E book is out.  The print version is awaited.  Whenever the print version would come out, the most important thing in that book for me would be the dedication.  I have dedicated the novel to Mrs. Deshmukh.  And of course, I would be looking forward to that sentence on the undercover.  That is,  'first published in Marathi by Deshmukh And Company (Publishes) PVT LTD in India.'The American editor commented about the novel, "this is not a novel.  It is a spiritual journey of human being.

For me, 'A tale of Fengado' offered the proof that I am an author.  But can I honestly say that the novel is written solely by imagination?  I do not think so.  The Fengado was not unknown to me. I had seen Baba Amte, who washed the wounds of leper.  I had read about the Dr Paul Brand, who worked for hours in the workshop to produce footwear that would not harm the leprosy patient.  I had seen the old tribal woman kissing Dr Prakash Amte, after the successful Cataract operation.  I had experienced the thick jungle at Hemalkasa.  I had known the darkness of the night in that jungle.  I had been to the shores of the rivers over there. We used to take the Panther, named Negal, to the river.  I knew the bank of the river and the big rock within it. I had seen Dr Prakash Amte swimming and reaching that big rock.  In short, I had known the real Fengado, in flesh.  That is why, I could write the novel.

The book by the Dr Paul Brand and Philip Yancy, 'Fearfully and wonderfully made' made a tremendous impact on me besides having inspired me for the novel, 'A tale of Fengado'.  It begot one more book from me.  In that book, Dr Paul Brand has synthesized beautifully the body of Christ and the body of human being. A terrific piece of analogy it is.  For any student of medical science, the book is a treat.  He has beautifully explained and illuminated the sensory system as well as functions of human brain.  Meanwhile, one of the magazines devoted to the criticism, in Marathi caught my attention.  There was one article in it on a French philosopher called Derida.  Until that moment, like any creative artist, I had been keeping a respectful distance from the subject called criticism.  But that article stirred my curiosity. Rather I was quite annoyed by it. 

Post Modernism 

I encountered for the first time the religion of today's western world a philosophy termed as Post Modernism. (What I observed later is the nearness of Post Modernism with non-dualism in Hindu philosophy. Many thinkers attribute the origin of Post Modernism to the rising influence of original Hindu philosophy in the western world.) Apparently, Post Modernism is the ruling religion in the Western intellectuals.  Historically, Protestant Christian movement and the Bible believers groups started the Reformation in Europe at around 15th/16th century. This movement gave following pillars to the humanity.

1 — there is God and absolute truth.

2 — one can grasp the knowledge about the world, which is a creation of the God with the help of God given gift of intelligence and rationality.

3 — ethical principles emerge out of the holy Bible.

4 — all persons are equal before God. 

And hence, the democracy is the ideal institution for governing the society.On these four pillars grew the cultural and value system as that of today. Out of these four pillars, Humanism in the course of time removed absolute truth and God. Evolution replaced God, absolute truth and the ethics, which were emerging out of Bible.  Science, technology and the human feelings became foundations of the truth, justice and ethics.  More or less, this particular worldview was called as 'Modernism'. 

One is free to formulate one's own meaning to one's existence and one is free to define his/her set of ethics. So, homosexuality, addictions, pornography, and corruption faced no impedance now.  Nor in the actions, neither in the principles! Everything became relative.  One should decide for oneself. Derida went one step ahead. He emphasized that the words precede reality.  (Derida's prose is full of a mesh of complicated propositions. It might be offering a sort of intellectual kick for so called philosophers, but actually, in a nutshell it is a sheer confusion at the best and purposeful complexity at the worst.)I got restless.  I had in front of me, the lives spent by Baba Amte, Doctor Prakash Amte, and the Dr Paul Brand.  They had thrown their lives for the betterment of leprosy patients and downtrodden tribal. 

In my own small way, I had rejected the routine successful life of a city gynecologist and am struggling daily the temptations in rural India. Insisting on ethical practice, in my own small way, I am fighting the decaying world around me. If I accept Post Modernism, and concede that the crooks are right in their own way and who am I to oppose them, and why should I do that, I have no answer even to the question posed by Sartre, "why should I not commit suicide?"  Neither Sartre has any answer! 

Bhava-cell A Hypothesis of Human Consciousness and Existence:  

I discussed with my friend at Lasalgaon, professor Kachare. He is head of the department in college, of Marathi Language. Now Prof. Kachare got after me. He insisted that I must write on what I am proposing. He speculated that mine would be a thought provoking and an entirely fresh hypothesis.  I succumbed to his friendly pressure.  The book is  'Bhava-cell, A Hypothesis of Human Consciousness and Existence.' For me the book was an unusual happening.  I had never imagined in my life that I would propose something as a hypothesis in province of philosophy and aesthetics.  I still do not know how I synthesized the anatomy of a single biological cell and functions of human brain to come out with a model of Bhava-cell.  Simply I do not know.  Mrs. Deshmukh approved the hypothesis in totality.  In her introduction to the book, she quoted a poem from Marathi Saint, 'Saint Tukaram.' He challenged the learned philosophers of his days.  He declared that even though he was illiterate, he knew the true meaning of scriptures!  My attitude was similar one. 

I presented a paper at 15th international conference in Aesthetics at Tokyo, Japan, last year. The situation was similar over there too. No body could understand what I was offering. Rather they chose not to understand it, as they are clever enough to note that if one accepts my model, the present opioid mood of Post Modernism would be challenged.One of the small publishers in Canada is publishing the English version. (MRS Rohini Sahasrabuddhe has translated it in to English) I am looking forward to that coveted statement in that English Version. 'First published in language Marathi, by Deashmukh and Company (Publishes) PVT LTD, Pune, India. Until now, it has been a routine that English books are being translated in to Marathi as far as any new knowledge is concerned. For a change, with Bhava-cell, the process is being reversed. I am proud of it as an Indian. My language Marathi which took its breadth with the prose and poems by Saint Dyaneshwar has donated the word 'Bhava' to English, with the publication of this book, 'Bhava-cell'. This very fact excites me naturally. 'The Virus' is my next novel. It depicts the relationship between the terrorism and hedonistic living. It seems that barring my publisher MR Ravi and me, very few liked it. Twenty years back, I wrote a small booklet. Its style is as if a mom is speaking with her little darling daughter.

er daughter about it. It is a small booklet that tells the mom about what and how to explain about this inevitable happening to her darling daughter tenderly and scientifically. Almost all the publishers in Marathi rejected the booklet. Mrs. Deshmukh published it happily, even though she had expected beforehand that this might not sell well. Bhava-cell is another such example of her conviction and dedication. (Even after having distributed as a gift copy, the edition of Bhava-cell is yet to be sold out) One of the noted authors wrote on the small a booklet a review in the newspaper. She titled it as the 'Upanishad (Bible) of the modern woman.' All my efforts of twenty long years bear fruits. One more booklet from me is on the sex education and Aids. It is for the adolescents. The last in the series is the one that is a small textbook for the neo-literate women in rural India. Deshmukh and Company published all out of social conviction without having given a thought regarding their potential for sell. My these three daughters are weak but are still my darlings. The time went ahead. I settled. Settled as a gynecologist in the rural India. I settled as a father of two daughters and of course as a husband.  Years passed. The orbit of my struggle enlarged. The rural India came in to the grasp of deadly AIDS. The social decay increased still more. Many facets of it emerged.

One of the aspect was what the noted economist and Nobel laureate Mr. Amartya Sen labeled, ' the vanishing females.' The females were by now being terminated before birth in millions. Ultra sound machines were sold in thousands for the same. The prenatal sex determination became the rule. It turned out to be the most lucrative business. It is easy to recover the cost of the machine within two years with sex determination and termination of the female fetus. Every section of the society is involved in this grand program. A few gynecologists murmured words of protest but when they realized that society wants it, they too joined the race. The masses are with it, firmly and without any guilt feelings.  

Post Modernism- Not So New to India  

In India, too the postmodern philosophy has started ruling. Or is it other way round? Some claim with pride that from non-dualism of Hindu Philosophy the post modernism has evolved. In Indian way of looking to the world, it is all Maya and nothing is real. So, naturally there is no such thing like absolute good or evil. The relativism of postmodernism has thus the origin in the non-dualism of Indian thoughts. May be, the proponents of postmodernism have not found anything original. They are just extending Indian thoughts.The Dharma (The Philosophy) of Indian Philosophy has two distinct categories. One is the Sanatan (The absolute) part and the other is Tatkalik (the changing) part. And so it is justifiable that the females should be terminated with a larger perspective of eliminating their sufferings! If given a birth, any way what is in for her? The inevitable dowry and the oppressive social system including the bride burning. So, in a way female infanticide is a solace. For the would be female and of course for the poor parents of her. It is not surprising that Hindu community as such is engaged in wiping out the females. I do not see any movements originating from Hindu believers to arrest this.

There are many which strive to save cows instead. If there is any, and I have not noticed, I sincerely beg pardon my oversight.It was and is not just a question of principles for me. For me my survival as a gynecologist too was involved along with it. I am refusing the patients who have come with the stash of cash in their hands. Having refused them, they are selecting the doctor in the next shop who would happily oblige. And I loose these clients permanently. I have to bear with this loss. 'Belief in human beings' rationality' is the basis of humanism. Today 90 percent of the masses that the humanists believe in are of opinion to terminate their female fetuses. Few atheist individuals are resisting it and they are resisting on the basis of humanism. How could they do it? If the relativism is what we accept as a way of life, how can few insist that the majority should abandon the ways they feel to be the right ways? John Stuart Mills was a humanist and atheist intellectual. He was an inspiration to the social reformers over here. Mills proposed the utilitarianism. According to it the thing that is useful for majority is the proper thing to do. That is ethical. At the times of Mills, intellectuals accepted the ethical principles, which had their roots in Bible. But they had rejected the Bible and the God. Even after having rejected God and Bible, the society needed some structure and ethical code to regulate it.

There was no much deterioration because the social masses had a baggage of Christian morals with them how ever hidden they were. So, it didn’t matter then in Christian societies. But today in postmodern Christian world and in Hindu social structure it seems that pragmatism and utilitarian worldview has a majority.  Relativism is ruling philosophy not because of so called apparent tolerance but for the simple reason, that relativism offers guilt-free conscious to a greedy individual. In such a scenario, naturally one does not have any answer what so ever, to the question that is asked by a majority over here, 'why should any one oppose the female infanticide, which is so gladly accepted by the majority?' If the majority has firm conviction that its interest lies in female infanticide, then why and who should oppose it then? Actually, and as a natural outcome of relativism, No body does.

e road? In simple terms why this virtue is an absolute one and can not be relative one so that I can change my ways to suite my survival? The social decay is very rapidly worsening. Including doctors, every one is getting increasingly greedy, insecure violent and hedonistic.

Every one is pointing to the inevitable and irreversible direction of degeneration. Every one is putting blame squarely on the so-called system. The helplessness that one can not do anything takes over first. But very soon, this helplessness is transformed in to a self-justification to join the rot. The result is being the double speaking game where every one is happily joining the system and blaming it too in the same breadth!There are descent honest and sincere individuals in every section of the society irrespective of nationality, education and religious worldview. I have not a slightest doubt for it. Not very back, there was a respect and an honor for these individuals among the society. Now they are being labeled as crazy and fools.

Tomorrow they would be labeled as the criminals. 'They will hate me because they hate the light and love the darkness' proclaimed Christ. At least as of today there is no need to hunt a proof for it. It is very easy to blame others and the system. The truth is that every one among all of us is weak to face the pressure, temptations and greed. It is only possible as far as one is not being offered the opportunity or is not facing the heat and the pressure. One is ethical only up to a certain breaking point left to himself/herself. I learned it by my own experience. There are some exceptions like Dr Prakash Amte, and he proves the rule. But they are few in numbers. All the rests are weak like me. Either it is observed that idealists are a frustrated lot in general or it is seen that what is carrying them on the path of virtues is just their arrogant self-centeredness. Most are pure hypocrites. They talk something and act otherwise without a batting an eyelid.  

Rise of Fundamentalism  

In India, after Gujarat episode of state sponsored violence and lynching of minority Muslims and attainment of massive majority in the election by the same government signals the last bell of the tolerance and Gandhian philosophy. All over, the world Muslim Fundamentalism is on rise. It is just a matter of time that Christian masses would also follow the suite. In India, Hindu fundamentalism is leaping in leaps and bounds. After Gujarat violence, it has become impossible for peace loving sensible intellectuals just even to appeal for the peace and harmony! They are being resisted with a very fierce and hateful violence by determined Hindu Fanatics. In the recent past, Hitler termed the wiping out of the Jews as 'the final solution.'  I doubt that in future, as the things stand that of today, the political and organized religious outfits are going to take a single point program of silencing all those with a little bit of conscious left! The persons with a conscious will be the new Jews for all these power hungry institutes and termination of these Neo-Jews will be their most cherished agenda. 

The religious orgy of violence is prevalent in every religion and section of the world. Palestine and Israel (The Muslims and the Jews), the Pakistan, Iran and Taliban (Muslims), Bosnia (Christians and Muslims), Gujarat, India (Hindus and Muslims) are the few examples. Not a single religion is an exception. The religious fanaticism has grown with dark colors, after 9/11 incidence and has become irreversible. The world is being polarized rapidly in the religious zones. The humanity in the 21st century is unfortunately not very different from the masses in the God's beloved country of Israel 3000 years back. Following is the description in Old Testament.'Their throats are open graves. Their tongues are for deception and falsehood. Their lips contain the poison. Their feet are running after the blood. On their road is only the violence and destruction. They do not know the word 'peace'.

'The atheists and humanists threw their weight on the human reason. The human nature that was as shown 3000 years back is the same as that of today. It will be the same tomorrow. Including the organized Christian sects like Catholics, all religious outfits have revealed in the history the same devastating reality regarding the human nature. But the fact is that it is very difficult to accept for intellectuals that human beings are originally sinners. They are called sinners not because they act sinfully. They act sinfully because they are basically sinners. But this is proving to be the most difficult truth to acknowledge. The way out of this denial is two pronged. On one hand its is a common practice to inflate ego and to promote human being to Godhead. Or the system is being held responsible for sins and various magical cures are being offered including the various avatars and ideologies. The all-pervasive attraction and hope of the masses for the benevolent dictator or the miraculous technology as a savior are just few of these futile efforts. In this whirlwind of confusion, the common and sincere persons are feeling helpless.

 Vadhastambh 

In such a situation, the central character named Merriam in my novel called Vadhastambh (The Cross) flashed before me as a ray of hope. She is a simple and innocent woman who has acknowledged God as some one transcendent to this universe and as a source of our life, conscious and ethics. She is walking with person of Christ in her life and serving the Aids patients. This character met me in an article by late socialist leader of Maharashtra (A state in India) Mr. S.M. Joshi. He wrote it a few months prior to his death. Mr. S.M Joshi was a very transparent and honest individual. For life, he believed in atheist humanism. At the end of his life, he suffered from the cancer. He met two sisters in the hospital who were believers in Christ and who tended him a tender care. Their love and care touched Mr. S.M.Joshi. He ended the article in somewhat these lines. He wrote, ' if these sisters are believers I too am.' The Merriam in my novel took shape in my mind when I read those words. Along with her, I perceived the character of staunch Hindu industrialist called Kaka Patel. He along with B

Joined them is Mr. Grandpa who has spent his life for uplifting tribal and who is an atheist and humanist. In my novel, these decent and honest individuals are struggling to live an honest life drawing strength from their respective belief systems. They are the soft and cool breezes in the fire of hatred and violence spurned by religious fanaticism. Thus took birth my novel Vadhastambh, (The Cross). It was my small effort to carry forward the tradition of intellectual and philosophical novel in my language Marathi, so ably started 100 years back by some giants. I was apprehensive though. With the pride of my own intelligence, I was underestimating the common readers. I was under impression that the intellectual novel, which contains so many discussions on God, Ethics and Religion, would drive the common persons away and would only attract the intellectuals. Who would read all those paragraphs of serious discussion on the hard subject of Religion? But I was wrong. I was pleasantly surprised. The college going students, the common housewives responded eagerly.

Some of these readers took pains to inform me that it was my best novel so far! Merriam, the sister in the novel who has shunned organized Catholic sect and who has turned to Person of Christ instead and who is serving the poor and Aids patients appealed to the common readers. Some intellectuals objected though. For them, it was a sort of enigma to know the Christ out side the Christian Religion. They could not accept that the distinction between the Organized Christianity and the Christ believer who is not a part of any Christian sect is existent, and possible. The common reader accepted Merriam as one of his or her own clan. This happening encouraged me. Let me quote once more Adulous Huxley. Regarding the understanding of a subject he writes,'The intellectuals have a keen ability to understand what he wants to'The common persons are not intellectuals. That is the reason they are open-minded. That is why they have accepted my novel without any hitch. My journey is now on a distinct and well-defined path. I have accepted that God created the universe and life including me. I accept that God is transcendent to this universe. I am denying the organized Christian religion that believes in baptism at birth. I believe in conscious and thoughtful baptism by the adult. I call myself as a Hindu Jesus devotee. I live to walk with the person of Christ.It is the most unimagined happening in my life. I never ever dreamt that I would one day accept the concept of God. The Christ was never ever thought of. As C. S. Lewis has said somewhere, I am the most reluctant Christ follower. I went to accept him because I was very weak to follow the idealistic path I had chosen. I could not carry on purely on my will or ego. I did not want to become a revenge-taking monster and my anger towards the evil in society was fast reaching the explosion point. It would have destroyed me.

The temptations were massive and especially powerful when one knows that people around will never change. The system is too cunning and deceptive when mere human will and yardstick is at work. I do not claim that I am that perfect Christian who just walks daily with Christ. There are no palpable miracles in my life though many unusual incidences of highest degree can be quoted. I am not always victorious, humble and loving. I get depressed often, and I get frustrated too. But I carry on. I am with Christ now since every other alternative is far short of explanation. I am with Christ because as his apostle commented, 'where can we go?' I am a Christ follower since no other system of thoughts and reality helps fighting evil.  I know with all seriousness that by declaring myself as a Christ follower, I am laying a trap for me. I might be apparently honest and decent to the distant persons. Only the near ones know my fallacies, temptations and shortcomings. They would definitely question me, ''Where is Christ in you?" And they are correct. When compared to Christ I would always be a sinner. It is an impossible task to become Christ like. Any way I do know one thing though.

My vessel rises sometimes, drowns some times. But I know my destination and I have my savior helper. That is my hope in this vast prevailing ocean of despair all around.

To read Part 1, click here.

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